A tale of a courteous robber

Everyone who knew me when I was growing up in the ancient city of Benin, knows that I was a very sweet, friendly and altogether good-natured young fella but that is not exactly what I want to share with you in this blog. ( Did I hear you say 'thank God'?). The young man I want to start with is someone of whom I was told when I was yet at that stage of my life which I hinted you about earlier. I was about 10 or so when one of my aunts lost her dearest possession at the time to some 'fine boys' who felt they needed the car she had laboured, sweated and saved for, more than her.

It was an Easter Sunday and she had driven the 'tear-rubber' 505 evolution to church for 'opening prayers' by the man of God. As she later related to us when she had gotten over the initial shock, ( I don't think any of us ever fully recovered from the pain and agony of not having sat inside the car even once before the 'real owners' came for it) she came outside with the man of God and just as she opened the doors four young men materialized like wolves hitherto hidden amongst sheep and roughly pushed both of them to the floor while brandishing very heavy rifles. Needless to say, the flock dispersed within the twinkle of an eye and one would have thought that my Aunt and the Pastor had somehow missed rapture just like the four thieves but again that is not the point of the story.

Something my Aunt said that day about one of the robbers has stuck with me till this day, she said ' one of the robbers was so courteous, unlike the rest of them. He spoke like a gentleman and was very polite while addressing the man of God and I'. Even as a 10-year old, I could not understand how courteous and robber could be used in the same sentence. That statement stayed with me and over the years, I tried to make sense of it to no avail.

Then came the year 2011 when Nigerians queued up to collectively place their destinies in the hands of a ' humble and courteous, God-fearing Niger-Deltan' who had no shoes while he was growing up. Soft-spoken and respectful, he even knelt before one of the revered men of God while seeking for our votes and prayers. It was in the months and weeks leading up to the Presidential election in 2011 that I was privileged to understand what Noah, John the Baptist and even the early Apostles must have felt when they were preaching an unpopular gospel. Most of my ' brothers ' of Niger-Delta extraction openly told me that I was a sell-out and that they had withdrawn the little respect they had for me (as if that ever changed the price of fish in the market) simply because I campaigned and voted against GEJ more than I campaigned or voted for the candidate I eventually voted for on election day.

Needless to say, he won and since then has proved me right in many ways except one, he has remained ' humble, God-fearing and courteous ' , he still requests for our prayers and goes to church ( though it is not all prayers he says "amen" to ) in the midst of overseeing the worst case of instituted and democratized rape and plundering Nigeria has ever suffered. He manages to smile while expressing sorrow over the death of another set of Nigerians killed due to the insecurity funded with tax payers' money, he tells us he is fighting corruption and puts some of the perpetrators at the heads of the various meaningless committees he has set up, he tells obvious lies during National broadcasts and blames it on one of the National Dailies, he calmly states that he doesn't give a damn what the Nigerian populace expects of him when tasked on the issue of personal accountability in a LIVE media chat broadcast Nationwide and beyond, amongst many other atrocious acts.

This is October 2012 and I want to apologize to my aunt for misunderstanding her meaning many years ago, GEJ has made me understand that it is indeed possible to encounter a ' courteous robber ' who steals the very thing you cherish while claiming to help you fetch water to quench your thirst and promises to ensure that you are comfortable. My aunt never found her car, it is my earnest prayer that what this particular courteous robber has stolen will be retrieved from him before it is too late. 

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